Sleepless

When you're awake more than 18 hours in a row, ugly thoughts can get on your mind. I was lying down the whole night, in my bed, under my super soft duvet, and I simply couldn't fall asleep. I watched few episodes of How I Met Your Mother, laughed a little (that was good actually), but most of the time, not even that deep inside, I was questioning everything I could. And oh, how wild my imagination went, I thought my heart would fucking force its way through my left breast and run as far away as it was possible. I tortured myself picturing awful situations in which anger level reached 750%, blood, smashed faces of some people that I would be delighted to beat up or [!] random persons I made up, who, for example, had hideous intentions towards my girlfriend, and so on. When I was done with them, I again watched How I Met Your Mother and let my poor heart take some rest: it was going insane (weird, huh?). Suddenly, the morning came, I heard mother's alarm, and in a gesture of courtesy I went to inform her she didn't have to get up, because her daughter wasn't asleep for only last 20 hours. I was fighting myself wether to go to school or not, at first of course I thought I wouldn't go, but then I took a shower, dressed up, ate something, found some time to complain about my physical condition, and went out to school. Within the very first few steps it occurred to me, that I should have stayed home: I started to picture all those people in my school I clearly didn't want to confront, I was too tired, and they would certainly ask me way too many questions, and oh, the teachers, my tutor who knows exactly how to be a pain in the ass and I think he enjoys it, he even looks like it. I didn't want to talk to them, answer all those stupid questions asked for no reason, I would go mad and I can't go mad in there. So I sat down at the metro station, and struggled. After Elsiane - Vaporous, I turned back home. Went in my room, took my yellow coat off... and then something weird happened. It was a moment of... Of what? Of weakness? I don't know.